In this episode of the Coach Training Podcast, Dr. Maria Nemeth coaches Daniela on her relationship with time and its impact on achieving clarity, focus, ease, and grace in life. Daniela shares her experience of feeling overwhelmed despite her busy schedule, which hinders her ability to realize her true potential. Together, they discuss the importance of redefining success—not just through activity, but through meaningful accomplishments. Dr. Maria introduces the concept of the "Point of Mastery," encouraging listeners to confront their doubts and fears as essential steps toward genuine achievement. The conversation culminates in a thought-provoking question: "What do I want to be known for?" This reflection, as framed by Dr. Maria, guides individuals in aligning their actions with their deepest values and aspirations. Join Dr. Maria and Daniela for an insightful dialogue that provides practical tools for coaches and individuals seeking to create a purposeful and joyful life. This episode is a valuable resource for anyone looking to navigate the complexities of time and commitment while remaining true to their mission.
In this enlightening episode of the Coach Training Podcast, Dr. Maria Nemeth and Daniela delve into the intricacies of time management and its profound effects on personal achievement. They explore the concept of the Voice of Wisdom, a guiding force that helps individuals tune into their innate potential, enabling them to make choices that resonate with their true selves.
Throughout their discussion, the Standards of Integrity emerge as a crucial framework for navigating challenges and aligning actions with core values. Dr. Maria emphasizes that honoring these standards can lead to greater clarity, focus, ease, and grace in one’s life, particularly when faced with the complexities of time and commitment.
Listeners will find valuable insights on redefining success, confronting personal doubts, and asking the pivotal question: "What do I want to be known for?" This episode not only provides practical tools for coaches but also invites individuals to reflect on their journeys toward mastery and fulfillment.
Tune in for an inspiring conversation that encourages you to embrace your unique path while leveraging the power of your Voice of Wisdom and Standards of Integrity.
hi everyone. This is doctor Maria and you are listening to the coach training podcast. This uh, time we have Daniela who has
been gracious enough to allow me to coach her here. And it really always is a pleasure, ah, and a privilege
to work with Daniela. So
Daniela, thank you for coming here. You know, I just, I appreciate
how willing you are to be coached. And I just know, I just know that there's something you would love to have happen, some result out of our being together.
Yeah.
Yes, for sure.
Thank you so much, doctor Maria. For me, it's like a privilege being coaching by you.
So yes, I mean, the main topic that I wanted to bring today, it's about my time management. I sense that I'm very busy. I'm um, doing a lot of things all the time and it's really like my schedule is really tight and it just doesn't have the results that I want.
And sometimes,
yeah, I feel like I'm busy. I think about those CEO's people like they're so m busy. So, you know, and I feel like what do I have? Just some things to do at home and I know some problems with the work, but I feel very busy and I'm not accomplishing the things that I would like to accomplish, even though I don't stop doing things.
And so I would like to have more clarity what is happening and how can I be more efficient and get the results that I want with the time that I have.
This is wonderful. And thank you for being so uh, truthful and candid about what you want to look at, you know, right from the starting. Um. Okay, so let's look.
What's the worst thing about being as busy as you are?
I sense that I don't have time, um, to slow down and doing things that give me
like chilling out and like reading a book or it's this time that I want to learn things and it's slowing down and I sense when I'm too busy I don't have those moments. It's always like. Okay, let me just do one more thing. One more thing before bad time.
And then it's when I crush, like that bad time, that. That's it. But I don't stop in too bad time. So I feel like the worst of getting so busy is that I'm tired. Um, I am. I'm tired and. Yeah. And it's, it's not as productive. It's not that I'm getting like a bunch of things.
I mean, I do, I do things, you know, and.
Sure, sure, absolutely.
It's. I have some results of the things that I do.
Of course you do.
Mhm. Not as meaningful or impactful as the much of energy that I'm putting on things.
Let me ask you something. It's. I'm going to give you a different question. I want you to think about for a moment.
What's the best thing about being busy?
Mhm. What is it that you don't have to do or think about
or experience?
I ask you that because, look,
we know that
our behavior is pretty simple. You know, sometimes we think we're more highly, uh, developed than other animals, and certainly we are. Absolutely. However, what we do know is that behaviors that keep on going are the ones that are rewarded in some way.
There's a reward
or else
you wouldn't be doing it. So that's why I'm asking this different question. What's the best thing? And think about it for a moment, because I know,
that you probably, like most of us, like these weird, more difficult questions to look at.
Do you know, when you asked that, I was like, I wasn't prepared for this question. Of course it was a good one. And right away, the thing that came to me was like, the best thing of being busy is being busy. And it comes like, very naturally. Like, as I like to be active, I like, I like, uh, I like work.
Like, I like working. I like doing things. I like, I don't like being, you know, in bed during, like the afternoon. This is, for me, it's like, um. I just, I don't like it. I like, I am active, you know? And, and so there is a good part of that, which is being busy makes me feel active, makes me feel alert and.
And alive. There's something about it.
That's it. That's it. And once again, I just appreciate your, um,
how willing you are just to be truthful and candid about this.
I'm wondering if you have any physical, uh, activity, like sports or something that you love to do.
Yes. And now I'm becoming very, very into sports. Before I was. Now I'm super into sports. And actually, every time, like when I have the time off in the evening when I, um, come work or things like that, and then I just, I'm going to. I go to the gym or I go biking or doing other things that, yeah, I'm doing sports now.
And what's that like for you when you do those sports?
I love it. I love going m. I love going biking. And so, yeah, makes me feel good.
Of course it does. Of course it does.
So I say this because it may not be so much about slowing down as you said, because when you said slowing down earlier, uh, you didn't look very excited about slowing down.
And,
you know, reading a book, that's not something that you've naturally placed into your life.
And we naturally put things into our life that we get benefits from, whether the benefits are, um, in our favor or not in our favor, you know, um, like, I don't know, sometimes eating too much, drinking too much, whatever, um, we do. And it doesn't necessarily, in the long run, it's not necessarily in our favor, but we keep doing it.
So for you, um, you've probably been busy most of your life. Yes.
Yes.
Say more about that.
I think I have been, like, free. It's a way of, like,
getting somewhere. You know, some achieve, like, this sense of achievement and
this old, not, not the ace concept of so successful.
Um.
Um, I have to keep moving to be able to move forward. So it's a way of, like. Yeah, like, I've been pushing, like, during the college, you know, I have to do. I have to finish this. I have to start working. I have to be successful in my work.
And the, uh, thing is, I do have energy. I have a lot of energy, so I do.
I can tell.
Yeah. And I can do it.
So.
And, you know, as you're saying this, you've got this broad smile on your face. Uh, and let me say, for people who, um,
were wondering what we were saying about success. Um,
at the academy for coaching excellence, uh, we have a definition for success, which is, um, success is doing what you said you would do consistently with clarity, focused ease, and grace, where clarity is about being clear about what it is you truly love, you know, what really has heart and meaning for you.
Focus is about learning how to focus your brain on what's the most important to you. Ease is about learning how to take small, sweet steps without wearing yourself out, you know, without using the energy that you don't need to use. And, of course, grace. Um, the definition of grace is seeing the miracles and the blessings that are already around you.
And we say that the gateway to grace is gratitude. Just to be grateful for who you are and what you're doing,
as you hear me say this, uh, definition, Daniela, what do you see?
Yes, I see few things about this grace, about being grateful, where it's always like, I'm looking for something else, like, what is next that I have to do. So always comes this urgency, like, okay, I just finished that. What's the next step? What's the next thing to be done?
And so it's not this appreciation of. I'm not in this state of, like, okay, in the present moment, right, to be just center to myself and enjoying whatever I'm doing. I'm always worried about the next thing to be done. So, I think when you're saying that, that comes very clear.
Comes very clearly to me, like, how this. This business, um,
of my mind is not just in doing, but thinking all the things that I have to do. So it's. My mind is not physically busy, but my mind is always wondering what's next. And that came very clear when you're talking about this definition of success.
So
you have something we call your standards of integrity. Yes.
Yes, I do.
That, uh, those are the, um. Folks. Those are the values that are the most important to us. The things that, uh, we know that, uh, this is pretty much who we are, and we know that because we love that. These values, so they rest in our heart. Uh, I'm wondering if you have your standards of integrity with you right now.
Yeah.
Would you read, uh, those out loud? Including the, you know, the introduction and the end of it, please? And do it slowly.
So these are my standards of integrity. I am compassionate, wise, peaceful, generous, inspiring, empowering, intelligent, joyous and brilliant. I know they are mine because I see them in others.
Mhm. That's you, isn't it?
Yes.
What do you experience as you're reading all these?
It brings this sense of, um, peace and alignment. And when I think about like this, this movement that I am,
it's not aligned with, especially with this peaceful aspect and also the joyous aspect of, uh, just doing whatever I am at. It's not
how I am.
It'S true.
And also there is one here that pops, um, up, as when I read it's about empowering. Like, that's something that's meaningful for me. And I see that my, this business also, I am, um. Sometimes I'm busy with very, like silly things can be cleaning the house, can be, you know, I have to go to the gym.
I have to, you know, whatever. Take the cat to the vetted that are, uh, things that are not as meaningful or empowering or impactful as what I want to be doing. And sometimes I see now it's where you're warrior talking. Is that when I don't have this time to stop and slow down, eventually it's when the moment that I could have to really focus on those things, like how can I create an impact?
How can I create something more meaningful than just being busy with things that I'm not sure what results I'm taking of this? You know, it's.
Yep. Now it's kind of interesting because, uh, when you said how I could create impact.
Yeah.
I take it that means making a difference in empowering other people.
Yes, yes.
And I see that this is really important to me. Uh. Very important. And I see that I'm m not having time or if I don't know how to use it, maybe, or when I have, I, uh, find the time. It's like, what do I do with that? So I guess maybe this keeping me busy, it's also a way because, uh, then I have to stop and think about those things and what can I do and how to do it, and I don't know.
Now, um, I want to be clear about some things because sometimes cleaning the house or taking the cat to the vet are important things to do. But then you also said there are some silly things that you do and you don't have to talk about what they are. But, um, uh.
The one phrase that you keep saying is, I don't have the time.
Yeah. That's how I feel.
Well,
when you, um,
focus on
this thought or conclusion, I don't have the time.
And we all have 1440 minutes in a day. I have that 1440. You do? The president of the United States has 1400. Everyone on this planet has 1440 minutes. And when I say to myself, I don't have the time,
what kind of life experience am I creating?
I don't have the time.
I don't have the time to be peaceful. I don't have the time to be empowering. I don't have the time to be brilliant. I don't have the time to be intelligent. I just don't have the time. I'm wondering what kind of life you're creating.
Limitating.
M.
Pardon?
I feel like, um. It's, uh. It comes to me, like, the limits. Like, I create limits. Yeah.
Yeah.
And I. Sometimes when I think about this, I think, like, about Leonardo da Vinci, things like, how are you sure they were just 24 hours for these people? Like, how much they created in that time that they don't even have Internet. Nothing. Or even when I think about a woman who is a mother who has, like, how they do things.
And so I questioned myself, like, I don't have kids. Do you know, I have all the access. I don't, uh. It just. Yeah. And this.
Yeah.
Do you see the impact
of focusing your brain on I don't have the time.
What you're creating for yourself.
Oh.
And maybe for the lives of people that you really do want to empower. Mhm. What do, what is it that's been created when the focus is on I don't have enough time.
M. Yes. Uh, it's frustrating. And this limitation also, I limit the time that I sometimes I want to be with people that I love and I keep telling them I don't have the time. And also this.
Oh, my heavens. Yeah.
And. Yeah, it's like scarcity thoughts, I guess.
It's, um. Yeah, you know, uh, we talk about monkey mind. Uh, that's that buddhist term that stands for that aspect of the mind that's always shouting at us as it swings from doubt to worry back to doubt again. And, and, uh, we could have you look at your monkey mind symptoms, but let's not do that right now.
Let's not do that right now. No. Why? Because it would take the focus away from, um, whether or not you've had enough of focusing on this conclusion that's at the heart of your experience of life, for your friends, for having fun, for being creative, for really enjoying yourself in a sport.
I don't have enough time.
What life have you created for yourself focusing on that,
you know, and ultimately, have you had enough focusing your brain on that conclusion
and gathering evidence for it?
Yes.
Yes, I had enough.
Truly?
Yeah.
What are you seeing?
I'm seeing that I didn't realize how much this has been the conclusion. Like, as I see this everywhere in everything that I do, and now it's becoming clear that it's not just about work. It's even for my, as you said, like, creativity and join my family. It's always, time is always.
My limit. It's always where I, like, I can't do it because I don't have the time. And I'm realizing how much I use this for all. Everything. And I wasn't aware, like, how much this has been part of my. How repetitive I am about this, and.
Yep.
And I don't want this anymore. No.
You sure?
Yes, I am.
I want to be fine. Well, it's okay because. Well, you know, it's kind of interesting because, uh. Short story. Many years ago, on my 60th birthday, I took myself out for a birthday cappuccino. And I was thinking about all my issues,
you know, my issues with, um, every single thing in my life. I had an issue about some little bit, some big. But all of a sudden, I said to myself, oh, my heavens. What do I want to be on my tombstone? Here lies Maria. She had issues.
Here lies Daniela. She didn't have enough time.
Oh, my goodness. No, no.
You and I will be known by what we're focusing on.
That's how people come to know us.
So, what do you sing?
Yeah, um. I don't want to. And it's interesting because somehow I was using this as well as with pride, like, oh, I'm so busy. Like, I'm doing so many things, you know? And, like, how important I am, because I'm busy, you know?
I know, I know, I know.
Like, oh, my goodness.
Oh, you're being so truthful. I just love this, really?
Because it allows you to see everywhere that this conclusion has been with you. I don't have enough time for this. I don't have enough time for that. I don't have time.
Yeah.
What are you seeing right now?
I could see, like, this going everywhere, but suddenly I started looking, okay, so how can I do. To keep doing the things that I have to do? And my mind goes right away, like, how can I solve this?
Well, can, uh, skip the things you have to do?
Mhm. No, I have things that I have to do, I have to do. Right. It's just like, how can I? And also it's going to be still having 24 hours.
So my question is, uh, do you really have that much to do? Really?
That's a good question.
If you were to make a list,
do you think it would be longer than anybody else's?
No,
for sure. Much shorter than a lot of people who do much more. Yes.
I wonder what it would be like to number one, if you're really.
Uh.
Willing to train your brain away from creating this life.
Mhm.
Because every time you focus on it, you are creating this life of not having enough time.
Yeah, no, I'm tired. I don't want to death anymore.
Are you sure? Because it's been very attractive.
It has. It's true, it's, it's, but it's, it's, it's
not satisfying, it's not joyous, it's not peaceful.
And uh, it's not in keeping with your standards of integrity.
It's not, it's nothing.
So there are a couple ways out and uh, what I'm going to do is something that, um.
Ah. As coaches, our main job is to be with you as you're discovering things. And then, um, to introduce some suggestions.
Mhm.
When appropriate.
Yes.
And since we're almost at the end of our time together, I'd like to suggest a couple of things.
The first is you may want to make a list of everything
that you have to do and instead make it a list of the things you get to do.
Being a human being alive and in fairly good health.
What? Hm.
Other things you get to do.
So instead of the list that I have to do, I do a release.
Of what I get, what you get to do. And it may be the same list.
Okay. But like that?
Yeah.
I don't know why, but as we're talking, there's so many different stories. Coming to mind. I remember once, Daniela, when I was, uh, teaching a forgiveness, uh, class at a place called Esalen Institute, which is in the California coast. It's just beautiful. And, um. Uh, it was on forgiveness.
M we had a break and as I was sitting, kind of watching the ocean, a young man came up to me and sat down. He said, you know, doctor Maria, uh. Uh, my dad passed away a few months ago, he said. And I was with him for the last three weeks.
Uh,
and he said, about three days before he passed away, my dad called me to him and he said, son. And I said, yes, dad. He said, I have something to tell you. He said, everything that I used to see was a duty, something I had to do. I now see it was a privilege.
Mhm. He said, taking off the garbage was a privilege. Driving you to school was a privilege. I see it now. I got to do these things.
And the young man said, and you know, he passed away a couple days later. But that. This has really stuck with me. That's what I get to do. It's a privilege.
So I suggest you may want to make a list of the things you get to do.
The second thing
is pure brain training. And this is what it is. Whenever you hear your brain saying, I don't have enough time,
at that moment, as much as possible, stop.
Take out your standards of integrity immediately
and focus your attention on your standards of integrity. And you say to yourself, what would someone who is brilliant, smart, empowering, uh, make that. Read the whole list. What would someone who is, what would they do next?
And listen to your voice of wisdom, which is a far better guide for you than these monkey mind thoughts. Because, see, you could, like most of us, we can end up our life with. Well, you know, these are all the things I had to do and didn't have much time for.
The things that I really wanted to. Do, we could end up with lots of regret or we could end up saying, you know what, I did what I came here to do.
Pick one.
So are ah, you ready to promise some authentic action here?
Yes, I am.
So the first thing is I gonna, tonight I gonna do my list. What I get to do.
Okay.
I gonna start doing this for my routine, incorporating the list.
Um, and I love this suggestion about um, bringing up my, my standards of integrity as well. And this is something that I will start, um, when this thought comes, I will bring it up, my sense of.
Integrity and ask yourself, what would someone who is all these things and you've got to read what they are, what would they do next?
And it really touched me, the story that you told about the gratitude, doing things with gratitude. Because um, I see that it's always, sometimes even when I make like I used to do like a to do list with a huge to do list. And then, I mean, yeah. And then it's just like I have to do those things.
And then sometimes even in to do list, I put it like, I have to have a time for use, for creativity, for, you know, hanging out with my partner. Then becomes like a, ah, to do list.
Oh my God. Oh, sweetheart.
And then it's just.
Aren't you tired of that?
Yeah, I am. Ah, yeah. And when I could see this possibility of seeing doing not have to do, but you know, getting to do it so much, you know, more fluid and more, more.
There is more ease on that and more, even more joy and so how great. Yeah. I love this way of seeing this. Whenever, whatever things that, you know, I get to do, I do. I see it with this, with this lens.
Perfect.
I love it.
And what about the times when you hear yourself saying or thinking, I don't have enough time.
Then it's my standard. Integrity.
And what will you do?
I will read for myself what, uh, someone with those standards of integrity would do in this situation. Yeah.
And,
and do it.
And do it. Yes, and do it.
Write down what your voice. Of wisdom says, yeah, and do it. And I'll tell you why. If you don't do it, after a while, your voice of wisdom won't talk to you.
Mhm.
This is all brain training. So I take it you've written all this down? Yes.
Yeah.
Perfect. Mhm. It has been really a joy being with you, Daniela. And I want to thank you for allowing me to give you these suggestions. And, uh, I honor you for being willing to shift how you're viewing your life.
Yes. Thank you so much.
You know, I really. This is like in the nick of time. Yeah.
Yeah. And this is really important. It's something that was. It was so strong in my life, and I couldn't see how big it was. And really, I want to change that. Definitely. And so perfect.
I know you can do it.
Yes.
I know that you have the intelligence, you have the brilliance, you have the energy, uh, to change, to shift, actually shift how you are holding your life. Yeah.
And I'm willing to do it.
Wonderful. So is there someone who can support you with this new way of seeing things?
Yes, um.
Yeah, I can't. I have my, um, arena buddy I can share with.
Great. So please, I suggest you might want to write that down, that you're going to share it with your arena bunny and allow them to support you. Well done.
Yeah. You know,
and, um, I look forward to hearing from you about what's happening now that you're retraining your brain. So thank you. Thank you so much for being on this podcast.
Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you. You helped me a lot. Thank you.
And that's it, folks. You've heard Daniela incredibly, um, courageous in looking at her life. And I know that, uh, the two of us hope that this is a contribution to you as well. So, until next time, this is doctor Maria saying goodbye for now. And just be willing. Okay.
See ya.